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voidtreckerexpress journal entries)
Roland's Journal (Last Updated: October 23, 2020)
Handwritten entries for safekeeping.
These are IC, physical journal entries Roland will be updating from time to time during his stay on the train. Unless specified in an IC log or entry, the information here is only for the OOC reference of a player or a mun. Happy reading!
< Choose your soundtrack! >
The thick Welcome pamphlet is tucked into the journal at all times. It has been annotated with Roland's own underlines, notes, and messages. The paper looks a little worse for wear, as if it's been read and written on numerous times.
Log No. 1: Here we go again...
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The Platform (?) | (???)
Logged after Intro Post, OOC-date June 1 2020.
Evan managed to convince Doloran to create a new kingdom for his people, and the world's finally on its way to lasting peace. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. And here I thought I was done with my duty to the other world.
What is this train, really? And why does it need me to come with it?
Log No. 2: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks, Day 16
Logged after Intro Post, OOC-date June 1 2020.
When I was a kid, I used to love pretending to be a train conductor. I'd make up scenarios in my head about where all the trains were going, and who would be onboard. While a part of me is a little excited about all this, I can't help but be wary at the same time. Life really can't get any more ironic than this...
Log No. 3: Magic in the Void
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 16
My body still looks...young. Nothing's changed. I'm happy to have the energy to spare for all this, don't get me wrong, but shouldn't the magic that made me younger wear off now that I'm not in the other world? The mysteries continue to unfold in the Void.
Log No. 4: Who or What is the Voidtrecker?
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 17
I've read the introductory leaflet, I've asked around, and I've come to the conclusion that there's something about the nature of our ride that's not being asked. There are too many comforts, too many amenities...Is it really for our sake? Is this train just a train? It seems...dare I say it...alive. I hope this journey doesn't turn into a horror movie any time soon. I've never been a fan.
Log No. 5: Lost in Translation
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 22
Mayday, we've gone dark. Communication terminals are down, and no one can understand each other. But that isn't what bothers me. We received a message on the ICP before everything went kaput. It's a report from...the Void Ministry? Were we hijacked and boarded without our knowledge...?
< There is a folded piece of paper bookmarking this part of the journal. A copy of Kaiba's transcription of the ICP message flashed that day when all terminals went down. Certain words on the report are underlined for emphasis. Annotations are in hurried script, as if the writer was thinking too fast even for their own hand. >
Log No. 6: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 24
A woman was murdered on the train, and her assailant was made to suffer a similar fate by the hands of a vigilante passenger. The spirit of the deed, I can understand. But the act in itself is reprehensible. What can be done, though? What power do any of us have when none of us are here by choice?
Log No. 7: Playing God
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 25
Her name is A-Qing. Dying on this train will warrant you a heart next to your name on the ICP's passenger roster. Moreover, death...is impermanent. If I were to be stabbed in my sleep tonight, I would come back good as new. What in the world is this place? How are they even achieving resurrection?
Log No. 8: The Instinct to Survive
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 26
This train resembles not a nation, but a small community born out of a collective desire to survive. Certain individuals will see this differently, of course. But given how diverse everyone is, expectations must be tempered on what can work and what can't. Evan would have a field day trying to unite this. Even I'd be stumped, and I had more than fifty states to preside over!
Log No. 9: Voidsickness
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 28
Not that I'm deliberately trying to cause it, but the symptoms of voidsickness do worry me. The one thing I don't want is to forget...anything. Not a single moment. I don't want to be voidsick. I can't be.
< Another separate page is folded in between one entry to the next, like a makeshift bookmark. In it, info on voidsickness, and a note that they were asked for a poll on what would make people happy between Music and Art. The author's handwriting is scratched out deliberately, as if they wrote something at first, then decided they would rather not see it anymore. >
Log No. 10: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 29
If I do end up getting voidsick, then I hope I can find it in me to remember this journal. I hope I remember the things that still matter to me, even as I pass through a million and one void spaces. And even if my waking mind forgets, surely the nightmares that follow me will jog my memory.
Log No. 11: The Kind Kirin
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 01
What a strange sight to see. A procession of people just walking out into the unknown, as if they're in a trance. What goes beyond the mist? The answer? The truth? Thankfully, and surprisingly! A kindkingmaker kirin stopped me from doing anything brash. His name is Taiki. I can't believe such entities exist outside of the Second World.
Log No. 12: Whales and Trains with Tidus
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 01
I met a young man named Tidus while trying to see how many points I gathered this month. He has good energy about him. And he brings to my attention that not only are animals no exception to the train's kidnapping, but time as we know it might not even exist within the void. If I should get a chance to find a clock for him, I'll definitely help him out.
Log No. 13: The Black Squad
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 02
Spider Seamstress has asked me to help her announce the new and improved Black Squad. Her powers let her teleport people from point A to point B in some sort of magic triangulation. It's amazing what magic can do. How magic can help people. I'll work hard to fulfill the promises of this new team.
Log No. 14: World One - Terra
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Dining Car | Grasshopper Day 04
I'm up and early for my first deployment. A planet called Terra, where the Purple Team is assigned to aid civilian rescue and first responders. The tricky part is that we're working underground with little to no light. Never mind that there seems to be alien conflict between the two races...That seems to always follow no matter where I go, huh?
Log No. 15: Looking Out for Inigo
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The planet of Terra | Grasshopper Day 05
Tidus has asked me to make sure Inigo doesn't overwork himself; a strange request, but one I'm willing to fulfill. That's why I'm glad Inigo decided to come along to clear debris with me. My impression of him only grows stronger. His work ethic is familiar to me too, but I hope he doesn't overdo it. He gives me strange faces sometimes, though. I wonder if I'm saying something wrong...?
< There are sketches of what looks to be a fairly accurate recreation of the Terran tunnel system. There is also a replica of the map shared by the Terrans during the mission. Some notes here and there, with crosses, circles, and marks, but otherwise seem to take up no particular significance in the next few pages. However, there is a scribble when the author draws a linear sketch of the residential area. It reads, simply: 'Wonder if living underground could survive the missiles? Doubt it.' >
Log No. 16: Mysterious Five
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The planet of Terra | Grasshopper Day 06
Speaking to the Terran community leader Buij was enlightening. I have some doubts about this whole affair. There are some unaccounted for Terrans from the explosion, and coincidences that are too aligned with each other to be random. My gut's telling me to stay up tonight, as well. Let's pray I'm worrying for nothing.
Log No. 17: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The planet of Terra | Grasshopper Day 07
< This particular entry is written in a flurry of strokes and curves, which suddenly switch out to block text. The author is quite evidently writing as if he was running out of time. >
I just had to go and open my big mouth
We're under attack from the same orb monsters that came from above-ground and respond strongly to the darkness, of which we have an abundant amount
I'm hopping on the network post to find out more from other teams. Time to get to real work
don't let them down
Log No. 18: [ TIDUS ROUTE ] Out in one piece
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 11
I suffered a minor injury on my leg from the final fight down underground. Thankfully, we were able to push back the monsters - for now. I wonder if that's enough to save the planet. We lacked conclusive answers. As I return to the train, Tidus discovers my injury by accident and healed me using magic. He's a stubborn kid. He reminds me of those heroes in storybooks I used to read Will; the kinds that don't seem to give up no matter what. He was already tired too, I could tell. He hopped around all mission as Black Squad. But he healed me anyway.
I'm grateful to have his support. I can only hope to support him too, in my own way.
Log No. 19: [ INIGO ROUTE ] Out in one piece
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 11
I suffered a minor injury on my leg from the final fight down underground. Thankfully, we were able to push back the monsters - for now. I wonder if that's enough to save the planet. We lacked conclusive answers. As I return to the train, Inigo discovers my injury by accident and cried in front of me. He was worried about me. < There is some hesitation in the writer during this portion of the entry, as blobs of pooled ink sink into the page before the sentence starts up again. > He called me a sweet guy and stayed with me that whole time I stitched myself up.
I closed my eyes and for a second there, I thought I was seeing another life. Something I know, deep down...The feeling of wiping away Will's tears. Or Evan's when he was all alone. I hope Inigo will never have to be alone.
Log No. 20: [ TIDUS ROUTE ] Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 12
I dreamed of Will. But it was unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I saw things I recognized, but also things I didn't. Am I voidsick? Am I losing my mind? I need to stop writing for a bit.
< The writer here abandons the entry mid-way and makes a formal mark that Log 20 is to be redacted from his file. It is later amended with another scribble; that the author is to this day, still trying to figure out what it was he actually saw in his dreams. >
Log No. 21: Auditing and Video Games
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 13
Counting how many resources you have, even if they're magically replenished every two weeks, is good practice. At least, I'd like to think so. Tidus ran into me at the Stores and told me that I should get a better hobby. The technology on this train reminds me of home, but I wasn't very good with those either. Too bad he picked an adventure game I...didn't really like the ending of. I'll see if I can't find it in me to play it again. One day.
Log No. 22: Draft
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 15
< This journal entry is a combination of notes, words, and simple tables and charts. The author seems to be drafting out a credit plan for the train, or is attempting to understand how to earn an amount of 500 points through a list of tasks enumerated and crossed out, each line connecting one to the other growing more and more complicated. Eventually, the author runs out of page and abandons the task altogether. >
Log No. 23: I Dub Thee...
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 16
I received Bambosh the High Higgledy at the Luggage Car and managed to hit two birds with one stone by helping Tidus and Inigo out with their own purchases. Well, mostly Tidus's. He's really a team player; using his points to buy the train as many supplies as he can. We got into some chaos at the end of it, but the more time I spend with these two, the more I'm seeing their connection. Like twins. Twin Teens? That sounds about right. I'm learning a lot, at least.
Log No. 24: Routine
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 17
I've begun a timely routine to get myself out of bed the moment I wake up so I can start on chores early for Purple. Glorfindel, an actual elf who glows like the sun, nominated me to be a team leader for the group. I don't know if I'm worth that position, but if I can help defend these innocent people from what the train puts us through...then all the better.
Log No. 25: The Void and Me
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 18
Being stuck on a train without any usable windows makes me think about all the moments I've taken for granted. In the first world, and in the second. Looking out into the void just reminds me of how much I'm missing. How much I miss. I wonder if Evan is doing okay? Is Leander helping him out with the bills to pass? How much of the world has he unified...? I guess I'll never really know.
Log No. 26: Not a Party Guy
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 19
Glorfindel and I are coming up with a Purple Team mixer to introduce ourselves, and to get our team talking about how to make missions run smoother. I'm expecting a decent turnout, but I'll leave Glorfindel with the pleasantries leading up to the open forum. I've never been the best at playing host. At least Kitty agreed to help mix the music. Should I be chaperoning?
Log No. 27: I'm Not Eighty!
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 19
Tidus has convinced Inigo that I'm a senior citizen. My age is on the roster! I'm still at the peak of my adulthood! And yet, I can't help but let them be. They're having fun, as friends do. It's this kind of camaraderie that reminds me I've yet to really...live my life, huh? Yet, the work never really stops for someone like me. I'll steal moments, when I can.
Log No. 28: Cultural Differences
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 20
I told Inigo I'd like to knock back a cold one with him one of these days, maybe at the party. I keep catching myself on the same mistake - not everyone here speaks or comes from the same kind of culture I did! Something to take note of moving forward. Even the word 'mixer' isn't a word being used nowadays...I've got to keep up with the slang! This definitely wasn't a problem in Evermore.
Log No. 29: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 20
Yesterday, Inigo and I confided in one another. How we see each other as reflections of a father and a son. I've failed once, already. Plus, Inigo...deserves someone who can safeguard his joy, come what may. But I want to protect him, too. I want him to grow into the man I know he's yet to become. Even if this conversation didn't happen, nothing would have stopped me from watching over him, from afar or from up close. I'll do right by him. Somehow.
Log No. 30: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 21
I had a nightmare that William was reading my story out of a book, but I couldn't seem to reach him again. He's always so far away from me, like I'm looking through the glass outside of his ward. I was screaming to him, begging him to notice me. Then, Inigo was there. Sat next to Will, and neither of them wanted to see me. They read through the story, and then everything disappeared in a flash of light. By the time I came to it, I was awake and it was morning.
I -
< The author has once again abandoned the page, but not without effort. Multiple blobs of ink have accumulated and marked the page in different points of the margins, as if they had intended to begin again, but could not. The page also seems to be stained with something else, drops of it which have effectively blurred out some of the words already written. >
Log No. 31: A Train-Sponsored Holiday
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 23
I think it quite dubious that we're being "rewarded" for a job well-done last mission. You don't just hand out these things and expect altruism. There's something amiss and I'm not letting my guard down. That being said, I might as well enjoy the hot springs at the very least. And the fresh air. I could use a night sleeping under the stars, or feeling the wind on my face when I'm at the top of the mountain. Maybe there, I can actually rest.
< The following journal headers listed after the 23rd progressively get more and more erratic. The author has crossed out multiple attempts to write in their usual order, but the phrases are clear despite the misplaced chaos of its narrative. >
I'm in a dream and Ichigo got memories that don't belong to him
I got his
A cave? We're sharing this
He's seeing it, all of it
This train has never had our best interests at heart, it keeps taking and taking but it won't tell us what we're fighting for and that's never fair
Ichigo was bullied, I can't
His soul is fragmented
Is mine too even here?
Does Doloran know I'm stuck in a void?
He knows my son's name
He knows
These are mine
They're not important
How dare this train take from me
Evan is this reaching the dimensional doors
Can the dreamer's doors see me?
The conductor is in my memory
Evan
William? Are you in here?
Can you hear dad? I'm here I'm alive
< At some point, the blank pages once again regain their structure. The author has attempted, although poorly, to cross out the sections written as if in a trance. There is some evidence that the author may have tried to rip the previous pages from the journal as well, but the tear was abandoned and only lesions in the paper remain as proof of the act. >
Log No. 32: The Voidtrecker Express
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: ??? | Grasshopper Day 25
This train is hiding so much from us, I've grown wary. How can we help it if we don't know what we're doing? The answers are getting closer and closer, though. I asked Nita to share it with me; what she and two others saw. My initial findings seemed to be pointing in the right direction - the train is sentient to an extent, only able to move forward, removed of its agency to hear and speak. Teams are colored as such due to the nature of their missions, as Lightning and Tidus had surmised. And
< The author stops here. Writes only a couple of words, as if a reminder more to themselves, absent of any logical connection to the previous sentence. Or so one would think. >
There were only two of them left. Two. Am I going to see a world come apart again, under my watch? Again and again? Is this my punishment? Doloran, is this our fate?
Log No. 33: [ TIDUS ROUTE ] Across the Sea and Beyond
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Beach-front, Jema'grethy | Grasshopper Day 25
In my home world, seafarers often left messages in a bottle as a poetic means to either say goodbye to the ones they left behind at the dock, or to send their love to those that are waiting for them to return to shore. For me, it must be both. Every connection I make in another world, I know I have to give up a part of my memory from the last. Still, I move forward. Who would I be if not the President working to save his people? The Chief Consul who supports his king? And now...now, I wonder what I will be? This role, in this life.
May the seas of Jema'grethy carry my messages to where they need to go.
Log No. 34: [ INIGO ROUTE ] The Pain of Loss
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Mountaintop, Jema'grethy | Grasshopper Day 25
Inigo has seen more than he lets on. His father and mother are gone, and he's been left orphaned with just his sister. The Brand in his eye, a marker of burden and greatness. To what extent, I don't know. But still, he tried to be there for me just as I wanted to be there for him. We're running in circles, me and this kid. He's stronger than I ever will be, in any case. He's the sun, and what am I but the man living in pain of constant loss, the loss of millions...The loss of the one that mattered the most.
The only thing I can promise him now, is that I'll be there by his side. For as long as he needs. Just as I have Evan. Just as I will continue to do when I'm called. My pain can carry them all. What's one more soul on my ledger?
Log No. 35: Latte
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 26
Tidus and I agreed to create a call-sign for a covert plan. We need to know more about this train and how it functions. Why it's running away from the void ministry. What it's done, if it has done anything at all. We're going to leave messages on every platform and world, in hopes that we're tracked by the ministry. It may be fruitless in the end, but...What else can we do? I'm not about to let us lose this war of attrition. At any rate, if we're caught on the deep end, Tidus isn't going down with me. I'll take the fall, and I've made preparations to do so as a contingency. He'll be safe.
Log No. 36: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 28
My nightmares are getting more frequent. Last night, I dreamed of being a Voidtrecker as the world around me disappeared. There were missiles in the sky then, too. Then, the storm clouds, black as night. When it was all over, and I was all alone in the ruins, it was just me and Will. His face kept changing, but I couldn't see who he was morphing into. I heard his voice, though. It woke me up in chills. I'll never forget it. I won't forget it. I'll die before I let anything happen to anyone on this train.
Log No. 37: A Conclusive Report on Points
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Horseshoe 01
Chores do not help get points.
Log No. 38: The Man Named Tidus
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Horseshoe 01
Today, Tidus said farewell to the love of his life and I witnessed something I never thought I would see. Tidus...is not what I think he is. He began disappearing as he removed his watch, and Lightning, Zidane, and I worked to get him back. Make him solid. With the watch on, he's just fine. I don't know what's going on. All I know is I don't want to see him disappear like that ever again.
What happened, pro?
< There is a distinct absence in entries following certain scribbles after the last whole entry. Words and phrases that do not seem to match one another, peppered with numbers, charts, and tables once again. Each more comprehensive than the last. Notes from books found on the train, bulleted and organized like a report. The author has seemingly reverted to using this journal as a note-taking tool, rather than its intended use to jot down thoughts. However, there are some reminders on the margins if one peers in close: 'Eat dinner with Inigo,' 'Ask Senku', 'Check ICP twice a day,' and 'Storm/Black Cloud?' >
There is a final note on the last page, signed by Roland.
'End of notes. Ask Nita for a new journal, if she still has. Transfer from loose paper.'
Handwritten entries for safekeeping.
These are IC, physical journal entries Roland will be updating from time to time during his stay on the train. Unless specified in an IC log or entry, the information here is only for the OOC reference of a player or a mun. Happy reading!
< Choose your soundtrack! >
The thick Welcome pamphlet is tucked into the journal at all times. It has been annotated with Roland's own underlines, notes, and messages. The paper looks a little worse for wear, as if it's been read and written on numerous times.
Log No. 1: Here we go again...
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The Platform (?) | (???)
Logged after Intro Post, OOC-date June 1 2020.
Evan managed to convince Doloran to create a new kingdom for his people, and the world's finally on its way to lasting peace. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. And here I thought I was done with my duty to the other world.
What is this train, really? And why does it need me to come with it?
Log No. 2: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks, Day 16
Logged after Intro Post, OOC-date June 1 2020.
When I was a kid, I used to love pretending to be a train conductor. I'd make up scenarios in my head about where all the trains were going, and who would be onboard. While a part of me is a little excited about all this, I can't help but be wary at the same time. Life really can't get any more ironic than this...
Log No. 3: Magic in the Void
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 16
My body still looks...young. Nothing's changed. I'm happy to have the energy to spare for all this, don't get me wrong, but shouldn't the magic that made me younger wear off now that I'm not in the other world? The mysteries continue to unfold in the Void.
Log No. 4: Who or What is the Voidtrecker?
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 17
I've read the introductory leaflet, I've asked around, and I've come to the conclusion that there's something about the nature of our ride that's not being asked. There are too many comforts, too many amenities...Is it really for our sake? Is this train just a train? It seems...dare I say it...alive. I hope this journey doesn't turn into a horror movie any time soon. I've never been a fan.
Log No. 5: Lost in Translation
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 22
Mayday, we've gone dark. Communication terminals are down, and no one can understand each other. But that isn't what bothers me. We received a message on the ICP before everything went kaput. It's a report from...the Void Ministry? Were we hijacked and boarded without our knowledge...?
< There is a folded piece of paper bookmarking this part of the journal. A copy of Kaiba's transcription of the ICP message flashed that day when all terminals went down. Certain words on the report are underlined for emphasis. Annotations are in hurried script, as if the writer was thinking too fast even for their own hand. >
Log No. 6: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 24
A woman was murdered on the train, and her assailant was made to suffer a similar fate by the hands of a vigilante passenger. The spirit of the deed, I can understand. But the act in itself is reprehensible. What can be done, though? What power do any of us have when none of us are here by choice?
Log No. 7: Playing God
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 25
Her name is A-Qing. Dying on this train will warrant you a heart next to your name on the ICP's passenger roster. Moreover, death...is impermanent. If I were to be stabbed in my sleep tonight, I would come back good as new. What in the world is this place? How are they even achieving resurrection?
Log No. 8: The Instinct to Survive
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Fiddlesticks Day 26
This train resembles not a nation, but a small community born out of a collective desire to survive. Certain individuals will see this differently, of course. But given how diverse everyone is, expectations must be tempered on what can work and what can't. Evan would have a field day trying to unite this. Even I'd be stumped, and I had more than fifty states to preside over!
Log No. 9: Voidsickness
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 28
Not that I'm deliberately trying to cause it, but the symptoms of voidsickness do worry me. The one thing I don't want is to forget...anything. Not a single moment. I don't want to be voidsick. I can't be.
< Another separate page is folded in between one entry to the next, like a makeshift bookmark. In it, info on voidsickness, and a note that they were asked for a poll on what would make people happy between Music and Art. The author's handwriting is scratched out deliberately, as if they wrote something at first, then decided they would rather not see it anymore. >
Log No. 10: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Fiddlesticks Day 29
If I do end up getting voidsick, then I hope I can find it in me to remember this journal. I hope I remember the things that still matter to me, even as I pass through a million and one void spaces. And even if my waking mind forgets, surely the nightmares that follow me will jog my memory.
Log No. 11: The Kind Kirin
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 01
What a strange sight to see. A procession of people just walking out into the unknown, as if they're in a trance. What goes beyond the mist? The answer? The truth? Thankfully, and surprisingly! A kind
Log No. 12: Whales and Trains with Tidus
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 01
I met a young man named Tidus while trying to see how many points I gathered this month. He has good energy about him. And he brings to my attention that not only are animals no exception to the train's kidnapping, but time as we know it might not even exist within the void. If I should get a chance to find a clock for him, I'll definitely help him out.
Log No. 13: The Black Squad
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 02
Spider Seamstress has asked me to help her announce the new and improved Black Squad. Her powers let her teleport people from point A to point B in some sort of magic triangulation. It's amazing what magic can do. How magic can help people. I'll work hard to fulfill the promises of this new team.
Log No. 14: World One - Terra
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Dining Car | Grasshopper Day 04
I'm up and early for my first deployment. A planet called Terra, where the Purple Team is assigned to aid civilian rescue and first responders. The tricky part is that we're working underground with little to no light. Never mind that there seems to be alien conflict between the two races...That seems to always follow no matter where I go, huh?
Log No. 15: Looking Out for Inigo
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The planet of Terra | Grasshopper Day 05
Tidus has asked me to make sure Inigo doesn't overwork himself; a strange request, but one I'm willing to fulfill. That's why I'm glad Inigo decided to come along to clear debris with me. My impression of him only grows stronger. His work ethic is familiar to me too, but I hope he doesn't overdo it. He gives me strange faces sometimes, though. I wonder if I'm saying something wrong...?
< There are sketches of what looks to be a fairly accurate recreation of the Terran tunnel system. There is also a replica of the map shared by the Terrans during the mission. Some notes here and there, with crosses, circles, and marks, but otherwise seem to take up no particular significance in the next few pages. However, there is a scribble when the author draws a linear sketch of the residential area. It reads, simply: 'Wonder if living underground could survive the missiles? Doubt it.' >
Log No. 16: Mysterious Five
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The planet of Terra | Grasshopper Day 06
Speaking to the Terran community leader Buij was enlightening. I have some doubts about this whole affair. There are some unaccounted for Terrans from the explosion, and coincidences that are too aligned with each other to be random. My gut's telling me to stay up tonight, as well. Let's pray I'm worrying for nothing.
Log No. 17: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: The planet of Terra | Grasshopper Day 07
< This particular entry is written in a flurry of strokes and curves, which suddenly switch out to block text. The author is quite evidently writing as if he was running out of time. >
I just had to go and open my big mouth
We're under attack from the same orb monsters that came from above-ground and respond strongly to the darkness, of which we have an abundant amount
I'm hopping on the network post to find out more from other teams. Time to get to real work
don't let them down
Log No. 18: [ TIDUS ROUTE ] Out in one piece
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 11
I suffered a minor injury on my leg from the final fight down underground. Thankfully, we were able to push back the monsters - for now. I wonder if that's enough to save the planet. We lacked conclusive answers. As I return to the train, Tidus discovers my injury by accident and healed me using magic. He's a stubborn kid. He reminds me of those heroes in storybooks I used to read Will; the kinds that don't seem to give up no matter what. He was already tired too, I could tell. He hopped around all mission as Black Squad. But he healed me anyway.
I'm grateful to have his support. I can only hope to support him too, in my own way.
Log No. 19: [ INIGO ROUTE ] Out in one piece
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 11
I suffered a minor injury on my leg from the final fight down underground. Thankfully, we were able to push back the monsters - for now. I wonder if that's enough to save the planet. We lacked conclusive answers. As I return to the train, Inigo discovers my injury by accident and cried in front of me. He was worried about me. < There is some hesitation in the writer during this portion of the entry, as blobs of pooled ink sink into the page before the sentence starts up again. > He called me a sweet guy and stayed with me that whole time I stitched myself up.
I closed my eyes and for a second there, I thought I was seeing another life. Something I know, deep down...The feeling of wiping away Will's tears. Or Evan's when he was all alone. I hope Inigo will never have to be alone.
Log No. 20: [ TIDUS ROUTE ] Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 12
I dreamed of Will. But it was unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I saw things I recognized, but also things I didn't. Am I voidsick? Am I losing my mind? I need to stop writing for a bit.
< The writer here abandons the entry mid-way and makes a formal mark that Log 20 is to be redacted from his file. It is later amended with another scribble; that the author is to this day, still trying to figure out what it was he actually saw in his dreams. >
Log No. 21: Auditing and Video Games
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 13
Counting how many resources you have, even if they're magically replenished every two weeks, is good practice. At least, I'd like to think so. Tidus ran into me at the Stores and told me that I should get a better hobby. The technology on this train reminds me of home, but I wasn't very good with those either. Too bad he picked an adventure game I...didn't really like the ending of. I'll see if I can't find it in me to play it again. One day.
Log No. 22: Draft
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 15
< This journal entry is a combination of notes, words, and simple tables and charts. The author seems to be drafting out a credit plan for the train, or is attempting to understand how to earn an amount of 500 points through a list of tasks enumerated and crossed out, each line connecting one to the other growing more and more complicated. Eventually, the author runs out of page and abandons the task altogether. >
Log No. 23: I Dub Thee...
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 16
I received Bambosh the High Higgledy at the Luggage Car and managed to hit two birds with one stone by helping Tidus and Inigo out with their own purchases. Well, mostly Tidus's. He's really a team player; using his points to buy the train as many supplies as he can. We got into some chaos at the end of it, but the more time I spend with these two, the more I'm seeing their connection. Like twins. Twin Teens? That sounds about right. I'm learning a lot, at least.
Log No. 24: Routine
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 17
I've begun a timely routine to get myself out of bed the moment I wake up so I can start on chores early for Purple. Glorfindel, an actual elf who glows like the sun, nominated me to be a team leader for the group. I don't know if I'm worth that position, but if I can help defend these innocent people from what the train puts us through...then all the better.
Log No. 25: The Void and Me
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 18
Being stuck on a train without any usable windows makes me think about all the moments I've taken for granted. In the first world, and in the second. Looking out into the void just reminds me of how much I'm missing. How much I miss. I wonder if Evan is doing okay? Is Leander helping him out with the bills to pass? How much of the world has he unified...? I guess I'll never really know.
Log No. 26: Not a Party Guy
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 19
Glorfindel and I are coming up with a Purple Team mixer to introduce ourselves, and to get our team talking about how to make missions run smoother. I'm expecting a decent turnout, but I'll leave Glorfindel with the pleasantries leading up to the open forum. I've never been the best at playing host. At least Kitty agreed to help mix the music. Should I be chaperoning?
Log No. 27: I'm Not Eighty!
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 19
Tidus has convinced Inigo that I'm a senior citizen. My age is on the roster! I'm still at the peak of my adulthood! And yet, I can't help but let them be. They're having fun, as friends do. It's this kind of camaraderie that reminds me I've yet to really...live my life, huh? Yet, the work never really stops for someone like me. I'll steal moments, when I can.
Log No. 28: Cultural Differences
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 20
I told Inigo I'd like to knock back a cold one with him one of these days, maybe at the party. I keep catching myself on the same mistake - not everyone here speaks or comes from the same kind of culture I did! Something to take note of moving forward. Even the word 'mixer' isn't a word being used nowadays...I've got to keep up with the slang! This definitely wasn't a problem in Evermore.
Log No. 29: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 20
Yesterday, Inigo and I confided in one another. How we see each other as reflections of a father and a son. I've failed once, already. Plus, Inigo...deserves someone who can safeguard his joy, come what may. But I want to protect him, too. I want him to grow into the man I know he's yet to become. Even if this conversation didn't happen, nothing would have stopped me from watching over him, from afar or from up close. I'll do right by him. Somehow.
Log No. 30: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 21
I had a nightmare that William was reading my story out of a book, but I couldn't seem to reach him again. He's always so far away from me, like I'm looking through the glass outside of his ward. I was screaming to him, begging him to notice me. Then, Inigo was there. Sat next to Will, and neither of them wanted to see me. They read through the story, and then everything disappeared in a flash of light. By the time I came to it, I was awake and it was morning.
I -
< The author has once again abandoned the page, but not without effort. Multiple blobs of ink have accumulated and marked the page in different points of the margins, as if they had intended to begin again, but could not. The page also seems to be stained with something else, drops of it which have effectively blurred out some of the words already written. >
Log No. 31: A Train-Sponsored Holiday
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Grasshopper Day 23
I think it quite dubious that we're being "rewarded" for a job well-done last mission. You don't just hand out these things and expect altruism. There's something amiss and I'm not letting my guard down. That being said, I might as well enjoy the hot springs at the very least. And the fresh air. I could use a night sleeping under the stars, or feeling the wind on my face when I'm at the top of the mountain. Maybe there, I can actually rest.
< The following journal headers listed after the 23rd progressively get more and more erratic. The author has crossed out multiple attempts to write in their usual order, but the phrases are clear despite the misplaced chaos of its narrative. >
I'm in a dream and Ichigo got memories that don't belong to him
I got his
A cave? We're sharing this
He's seeing it, all of it
This train has never had our best interests at heart, it keeps taking and taking but it won't tell us what we're fighting for and that's never fair
Ichigo was bullied, I can't
His soul is fragmented
Is mine too even here?
Does Doloran know I'm stuck in a void?
He knows my son's name
He knows
These are mine
They're not important
How dare this train take from me
Evan is this reaching the dimensional doors
Can the dreamer's doors see me?
The conductor is in my memory
Evan
William? Are you in here?
Can you hear dad? I'm here I'm alive
< At some point, the blank pages once again regain their structure. The author has attempted, although poorly, to cross out the sections written as if in a trance. There is some evidence that the author may have tried to rip the previous pages from the journal as well, but the tear was abandoned and only lesions in the paper remain as proof of the act. >
Log No. 32: The Voidtrecker Express
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: ??? | Grasshopper Day 25
This train is hiding so much from us, I've grown wary. How can we help it if we don't know what we're doing? The answers are getting closer and closer, though. I asked Nita to share it with me; what she and two others saw. My initial findings seemed to be pointing in the right direction - the train is sentient to an extent, only able to move forward, removed of its agency to hear and speak. Teams are colored as such due to the nature of their missions, as Lightning and Tidus had surmised. And
< The author stops here. Writes only a couple of words, as if a reminder more to themselves, absent of any logical connection to the previous sentence. Or so one would think. >
There were only two of them left. Two. Am I going to see a world come apart again, under my watch? Again and again? Is this my punishment? Doloran, is this our fate?
Log No. 33: [ TIDUS ROUTE ] Across the Sea and Beyond
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Beach-front, Jema'grethy | Grasshopper Day 25
In my home world, seafarers often left messages in a bottle as a poetic means to either say goodbye to the ones they left behind at the dock, or to send their love to those that are waiting for them to return to shore. For me, it must be both. Every connection I make in another world, I know I have to give up a part of my memory from the last. Still, I move forward. Who would I be if not the President working to save his people? The Chief Consul who supports his king? And now...now, I wonder what I will be? This role, in this life.
May the seas of Jema'grethy carry my messages to where they need to go.
Log No. 34: [ INIGO ROUTE ] The Pain of Loss
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Mountaintop, Jema'grethy | Grasshopper Day 25
Inigo has seen more than he lets on. His father and mother are gone, and he's been left orphaned with just his sister. The Brand in his eye, a marker of burden and greatness. To what extent, I don't know. But still, he tried to be there for me just as I wanted to be there for him. We're running in circles, me and this kid. He's stronger than I ever will be, in any case. He's the sun, and what am I but the man living in pain of constant loss, the loss of millions...The loss of the one that mattered the most.
The only thing I can promise him now, is that I'll be there by his side. For as long as he needs. Just as I have Evan. Just as I will continue to do when I'm called. My pain can carry them all. What's one more soul on my ledger?
Log No. 35: Latte
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 26
Tidus and I agreed to create a call-sign for a covert plan. We need to know more about this train and how it functions. Why it's running away from the void ministry. What it's done, if it has done anything at all. We're going to leave messages on every platform and world, in hopes that we're tracked by the ministry. It may be fruitless in the end, but...What else can we do? I'm not about to let us lose this war of attrition. At any rate, if we're caught on the deep end, Tidus isn't going down with me. I'll take the fall, and I've made preparations to do so as a contingency. He'll be safe.
Log No. 36: Untitled
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Sleeper 2, Cabin C | Grasshopper Day 28
My nightmares are getting more frequent. Last night, I dreamed of being a Voidtrecker as the world around me disappeared. There were missiles in the sky then, too. Then, the storm clouds, black as night. When it was all over, and I was all alone in the ruins, it was just me and Will. His face kept changing, but I couldn't see who he was morphing into. I heard his voice, though. It woke me up in chills. I'll never forget it. I won't forget it. I'll die before I let anything happen to anyone on this train.
Log No. 37: A Conclusive Report on Points
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Horseshoe 01
Chores do not help get points.
Log No. 38: The Man Named Tidus
For My Eyes Only
Location, Date: Standard Car | Horseshoe 01
Today, Tidus said farewell to the love of his life and I witnessed something I never thought I would see. Tidus...is not what I think he is. He began disappearing as he removed his watch, and Lightning, Zidane, and I worked to get him back. Make him solid. With the watch on, he's just fine. I don't know what's going on. All I know is I don't want to see him disappear like that ever again.
What happened, pro?
< There is a distinct absence in entries following certain scribbles after the last whole entry. Words and phrases that do not seem to match one another, peppered with numbers, charts, and tables once again. Each more comprehensive than the last. Notes from books found on the train, bulleted and organized like a report. The author has seemingly reverted to using this journal as a note-taking tool, rather than its intended use to jot down thoughts. However, there are some reminders on the margins if one peers in close: 'Eat dinner with Inigo,' 'Ask Senku', 'Check ICP twice a day,' and 'Storm/Black Cloud?' >
There is a final note on the last page, signed by Roland.
'End of notes. Ask Nita for a new journal, if she still has. Transfer from loose paper.'
