adregem | 000 - voidtreckerexpress Universal Contact Post

[ Roland doesn't have to hear it. He doesn't have to see it. He knows Inigo is crying, but he also doesn't wish to intrude in that moment that he needs to let it out. He's been doing it himself, in the only way he knows how: anchoring to the reality, the here and now. What work needed to be done? Tidus's supplies. His goods that required auditing, so that when he was ready to reemerge, he wouldn't have to bother with the basic things. Roland would have had it covered well.

The president inhales deeply and tries to get back into the work, bending to resume whatever was left of the pile. Part of him has already forgotten where he stopped, and the other part of him is too hyperfocused on reading Inigo's actions for him to actually settle into the load.

Eventually, Roland lets out an inaudible sigh and decides to just focus on what actually matters right now: helping Inigo. ]

Pup...[ He starts off, glancing to the side even though all he can really see is the shield covering his face. ] How can I help? Tell me what you need.

It's okay.

[ The reply is almost instantaneous. Like Inigo's brain doesn't even have to consider Roland's question before firing off the default reply to it. To his credit, he manages to make it very much not sound like he's completely crying, but his voice still sounds a little rough in a way he can't quite hide, that the shield can't quite cover.

Inigo moves up a hand to quickly wipe at his eyes before he lowers the shield, making sure that the only evidence remaining of his tears are his eyes being redder than usually. The only thing he can do now is hope that not more will slip out while he talks to Roland. Save them for later. ]

I mean.. Geez, if you have so much helpfulness in you, you should aim it at yourself! [ It's no scolding, nor sulking. Inigo says it with a smile on his face, despite the way his eyes look, despite how tight his chest feels even now. ] You seem like you could really use some help right now, you know? While I'm-- I'm fine, just.. a little surprised by Tidus's gifts, that's all!

[ He's totally not wrecking himself with guilt and worry over the other, what are you talking about. ]

[ There it is again; that default, that facade. Roland doesn't know what to make of it, other than he recognizes it to the point of being unnerved, inherently. A move he pulls out more often than not. Wipe the feelings away, let it wash over you, but never show it. He doesn't let up his stare, even as Inigo wipes his eyes.

The best he can do for him now was to avoid prodding the issue, and to let him be as he wished. This wasn't easy for either of them, but in Roland's acknowledgment of Inigo's coping mechanism for his pain, he understands that it isn't something you can force away from someone either. ]

He cares about you. His friends. All of this stuff - [ Roland looks back at the pile, if only to gesture at it with one sweeping motion. ] - and not a single thing for himself. Still. They're mostly supplies for the train, and what I think might be gifts to other passengers.

[ Tidus disappearing might have something to do with that. But he can't linger on that shadow. He would be engrossed by it, enveloped so deeply until he found an answer. ]

Don't worry about me. I'm okay. [ He nods, in affirmation. His stoicism returns, full force. ] Nothing a bit of counting can't fix, as Tidus would make fun of me for. Heh. [ It's a halfhearted attempt at humor, but it would do for now. ]

Edited 2020-09-14 16:22 (UTC)

[ Is Roland really okay, though? Inigo hasn't often seen Roland thrown off balance like this. He really can only think of the time on the island. Hell, even back when Roland's leg was bleeding, he looked like he was doing better than he is right now.

But what good is calling Roland out on it when Inigo is obviously trying to deal with it in the very same way? Shoving everything down. Hoping it will go away as long as you don't acknowledge it, don't burden others with it.

His gaze falls on the pile of packages, spotting a smaller one with his name on it.

He grabs it before holding it out to Roland. ]

This.. is Tidus's too. Or.. well.. [ His voice awkwardly trails off as he tries to steel himself enough to be able to talk without bursting out into tears all over again. ] It's from both of us. Tidus and I. He had the idea, and I used my points, and... um. It's from us. To you.

[ If Roland opens it, he'll find a book about his country's version of football. ]

I-- I know that if Tidus were here right now, he'd say something like "enjoy it, old man," so.. um, enjoy it. Old man. [ He should probably at least make his voice a little more spirited while trying to imitate Tidus, but it feels so hard with his current mood hanging heavily over him. ]

[ The last thing he expected was something for him, so Roland looks a little surprised when Inigo hands him too. It's a little heavy, but he can tell from the shape that it couldn't be anything but a book, right? Roland stares at it for a good few seconds before gesturing to it, lifting it slightly into the air. ]

This is for me? [ He says it incredulously, like Roland is inclined to believe it right away. ]

...

[ Roland's hands move deliberately slow as he unwraps the cheap looking paper cover one little inch at a time, He keeps his gaze trained on it, focused on the motion until he sees the cover of the book - exactly what Inigo said it was. A book on the history of football, and basics on how to play the game at any age. The very same football he had taught Tidus how to pay, Tidus the star, the pro, the quarterback in another life. He remains quiet, the air thick with emotion even in his stillness as Roland opens the book, flicks through the pages and skims the opening chapters. It was a surprisingly accurate, well-thought out reference. Something Roland would enjoy reading as a hobby.

A hobby. It was Tidus's idea. ]

I...

[ It was too much.

He stares at the book in his hands without a word. There are none for him to say. When he does, it's to thank Inigo for using his points to buy it, but Roland falls right back into a heavy silence. The book is being gripped tightly, with two hands. ]

[ Inigo's first thought is oh no, he broke Roland.

But he gets the reaction. Roland is probably feeling the very same thing Inigo felt as well when he was handed the shield and the book a moment earlier. And while Inigo's initial gut feeling is to try and comfort Roland - or anyone who looks that lost at any given moment, really - he's not so sure it's the right thing to do now.

He's not sure what the right thing to do at all is. ]

R--Roland, I'm sorry, should I.. have waited and given you it later..?

[ But 'later' when? When Tidus will be okay again? But who's to say when that will be - Inigo feels like he himself isn't quite over Yuki yet, and it's been a month. And he was rejected to begin with, unlike Tidus and Yuna, who were still very much in love. How long would it even take to mend that much hurt in a heart? ]

I mean.. I think he would have wanted you to be happy with it.. [ Inigo carefully starts - tries. His facial expression is looking very awkward though, like he can't even try to cover up the feeling with his usual act. ]

[ Roland remains unmoving, though his fingers start to flip through more of the pages, his eyes darting from left to right as he skims everything with precision. It was more of a means to distract himself from showing Inigo any cracks, but it looks convincing enough to seem as if Roland was just quite invested in the sport, or the book, or both.

He shakes his head when Inigo apologizes. Tellingly, Roland chooses not to store the book away in his Arms Band. Instead, he tucks it against his arm before he looks up at the other. ]

Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. [ Shoot. Did he mean to say that? The same words he told Tidus as he was holding him down by the ankles, the teenager thrashing about trying to resist help - ] I just didn't think he'd go out of his way to ask you to help him purchase this. Or that I'd see the day where the guy who once got five hundred points to his name now needs a friend to spot him for a gift. Heh. [ He deflects how he really feels like a pro, using that slight smirk and jab to lighten the mood that he may have unexpectedly set. Even if it doesn't quite do the job, he walks over and touches Inigo's shoulder with a gentle shake, as if to convince him it was okay.

It really was. For now. ]

Thank you, okay? I mean it. I'll tell Tidus that myself when I see him next. I'm happy with it. I really am. [ He nods back to the pile they had left behind. Both were understatements he'd rather not dwell on; being happy about receiving it, and telling Tidus things the next time he sees him. ] You wanna go back to counting your purchases, pup?

[ He sucks in a breath. There are so many things he could tell Roland right now. That Tidus had mostly asked him to buy it since Inigo wanted to make up the time he asked Tidus to heal Gerome when Tidus had already been tired to him - and that he knows Tidus didn't really need anything in return, but probably asked for this to both do something thoughtful for Roland and let Inigo feel less guilty over what had happened at the same time.

But talking about Tidus feels hard when Inigo is so worried about the other. When he hasn't even seen him since Yuna disappeared earlier today. So he doesn't. ]

.. Yes, of course.

[ Despite the way Roland manages to hide his own mood like a true Repressing Professional, the awkward atmosphere doesn't fully seem to clear. Maybe Inigo's thoughts are too much of a clustered mess right now for him to act as fully bright as he usually would. Instead he just nods, half-seriously, half-awkwardly. ]

I'll stay here with you until we've sorted out his things as well. So you won't have to do it alone.

[ Roland nods and works closely with Inigo. There is a point in their silence that he finally keeps the football book in his Arms Band for later keeping in his bunker, or maybe in the library to add to the shelf. His notebook dutifully takes down the whole amount of potions - some named with silly little labels, some just out of this world. It passes like clockwork, seconds ticking by, seconds turning into minutes as they numb themselves to a pain of seeing someone they care about shirk away, alone, not wanting to see -

- as the task closes up, Roland hands the fully audited pile to Inigo, organized meticulously as the Chief Consul would be known for. But not without a whisper thrown his way, quiet yet full of emotion. ]

You're not alone, either. Okay? [ Even if Roland himself is trying to forget himself. ]

[ He takes what he's handed. Inigo kind of expects them to be done with that. To maybe say a slight goodbye and then go their individual ways. Maybe Inigo will go make sure that Tidus isn't sadly hanging around somewhere by himself and actually does want company or something.

But then Roland says something unexpected. No matter how quiet it is, Inigo's ears pick up on it, his head snapping up with attention.

He clutches the pile a little closer to himself. ]

Of course. I.. I know that.

[ Despite the slight stumble in words there, it doesn't sound fake. Or like he's covering anything up. Even though it's a little quiet too, it sounds like Inigo fully believes it. ]

You're here with me, after all. And so is Gerome, and Taiki, and.. well, Tidus too, of course, even if he'll need some time. I'm not alone at all.

[ ~~Until Shit Happens and that whole idea is utterly shattered while on the mission later.~~ ]

[ He nods, and though there is an urge to rest his hand over Inigo's shoulder, another attempt to reassure him of the truth, he can't seem to do it at the moment. Roland feels vestiges of pain, phantom pain, enter his body. He refuses to admit he's exhausted, but he knows that he is. There's a lot brewing about in his own head, and he's aware that it's ready to tip over at any time. Not just with Tidus, but with the things he's learned, the nightmares resurfacing.

But those were corners of darkness reserved only for him. So he finishes up his count, writes the final few lines of the audit, and dog-ears the page. He motions for the cluster of potions and bottles, where some are left behind in the bag they came in from the train shop. ]

Here. I'll put it in my Arms Band for now. We can keep them with the rest of the potion's supply later. [ Maybe another thing to show Tidus? Another update on their growing project of making sure the train was well-equipped with mission supplies? Who knows. But he's ready to take to the task, in more ways than one. It's the least he can do. ]

[ Inigo quietly waits - almost patiently, obediently, though maybe just a tad moreso than usually with this weird, weird atmosphere still hanging in the air - just watching Roland go at it until the other speaks up again.

That's what finally makes him nod. ]

Yes. Thank you for helping me out. [ Because Inigo sure wouldn't have known what to do with all of these without Tidus otherwise.. He's not going to keep a potion labeled death anywhere in his room, okay. (Even though it may come in handy in very embarrassing situations.) ]

.. Is there anything more I can do for you..?

[ Since Roland sure did help him out here, but it feels like he hasn't done anything for the other yet in return. And that doesn't feel right, so Inigo has to offer, at the very least. ]

[ He turns back to Inigo and just shakes his head gently, smile not quite reaching his eyes. There's a tiredness there, just brewing beneath the surface. Roland's hand reaches to the top of Inigo's head and he ruffles his hair affectionately. ]

I should be asking you that, heh. But I'm okay. Really. Let me know when you need the potions. I'll keep them safe for you.

[ And so he does, the bunch disappearing in his Arms Band with practiced ease. There wasn't much else to do in the luggage car apart from this, at least not while Inigo was around and he had to sort through all of Tidus's belongings...Not when he might ask what really happened, and Roland was determined to hide that from Inigo more than anything else. ]

What else did you want to do today, pup? I can walk you there. [ At the very least, here Roland is genuine, his smile reaching his eyes. There is a fondness there, even in a small gesture. ]

Me?

[ He seems surprised to have the question flipped around on him like that all of a sudden, though Inigo does try to think what he genuinely was planning on doing today before it all got thrown off like this.

.. Ah. He probably was planning on hanging around with Tidus after grabbing their stuff here, huh. But he guesses that's not going to fly anymore now.. And while Inigo does want to check up on the other, he can't say that in front of Roland when Roland is the one telling him to give Tidus space in the first place. ]

I.. I guess I should drop my things off at my room first. [ He can't lug that shield around all over the train. At the very least he's got to leave it with his sword. ] I mean-- if you really don't mind, you can walk me over there.

[ He'd like that. Roland's company. But when the other seems so weirdly tired, Inigo doesn't want to force him to do even more. He's fine with being put on the backburner in favour of more important things. ]

[ If Roland ever found out how much Inigo hesitated to ask for his company, he'd have a field day just trying to get him to relax.

Roland promised.

He shakes his head and starts to move, keeping close and giving enough space for Inigo to lead the way. He remembers that his cabin comes before Roland's, when he walked him to his own quarters after the medbay incident. ]

It's no trouble at all. Come on. [ And as always, an arm is offered not before long, one to drape around the other's shoulder, encouraging, pushing him forward one step at a time. ]

[ SOME OF US HAD FATHERS WHO WERE WAY TOO BUSY FOR US AND ARE STILL TRYING TO COPE WITH THAT, ROLAND. ~~You know, like your own kid!~~

Thankfully Inigo keeps it in though. He's keeping in a lot right now - worries that are starting to buzz through his head, picking at his brain. He tries to focus on his breath to calm himself down, focus on the hand on his shoulder, as gentle and encouraging as ever.

And just walking. One step after another.

He's quiet for a few moments as they walk, but then Inigo speaks up. ]

.. What are you going to do after this, Roland?

[ ~~WOW THIS ATTACK ON OUR INBOX!!!~~ ]

Hm?

[ Well, he didn't expect Inigo to ask him that. But he finds they're starting to predict Roland more and more, nowadays. ]

...Probably check if any chores need doing. The usual. [ Roland offers a small smile, shrugging once. That's the only thing left to do, right?

Not to mention, he was going to go straight back to the luggage car, when the coast was more clear. He was going to audit Tidus's goods no matter what. It's the only thing he can do for him, right now. ]

[ It's a very typical answer for Roland.

But Inigo isn't too sure how to feel about it. Not with the odd looks he's been spotting in Roland's eyes. Today, for sure, but even very occasionally, ever since they left the island.

There's another quiet moment, but then he looks at Roland again. ]

Make sure to show up for dinner.

[ "Don't overwork," in other words. ]

If you don't show up, I'm going to cry. Right in front of everyone. And I'm going to tell them it's all your fault for not coming to eat with me. [ NO, HE WON'T.. Or, well. He might cry. But in private. And without blaming Roland at all. But he figures it might just work as a good enough incentive to get him to show up for sure. ]

[ Wait wait wait. No, okay hold on a second here. Was Inigo actually threatening him? With his tears? To which Roland responds very easily to? He doesn't panic overtly, but he does seem a bit taken aback that he would stoop to such a tactic. Did he know what it does to him?

This sly kid. ]

[ He catches himself before he sputters. God forbid! ]

I- yeah, I'll show up! I will, don't worry. I'll see you for dinner, okay? [ PLEASE DON'T CRY, SON. ] I'll save us a table!

[ Look, Inigo may not dabble in this slyness very often, but when it's for a good goal.. After all, making sure Roland eats and actually takes care of himself is a good thing! And if a few tears are necessary to make that happen, Inigo will gladly throw those onto the battlefield.

It's still a little surprising to see just how well they work though, and how quickly, but he manages to carefully hide the surprise behind the expression he's already wearing.

Which is a smile. He ought to put at least a bit more energy into forcing one of those on his face despite the circumstances now he's lured Roland into his little dinner trap. ]

Great!

[ No tears here. As long as you keep your promise, dad.. ]

Ah, and my room is right up ahead here too. So.. I'll see you then!

000 - voidtreckerexpress Universal Contact Post

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wow just realised that this tag would have been 100% different if it had been an ic week later

8') timey wimey RP magic GO

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1/2

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