And this isn't at all to diss Chrom. Roland is merely curious about how little Inigo has spoken about his father, though this doesn't come as a complete surprise. Not only did Chrom die early, but going back to meet him in the past seemed to merit Inigo a terrible experience that hurt enough to carry as a memory into the void.
But even that warrants Roland's musings. His own relationship with Will was strained in a way, and looking at it now, it seems to always return to the same thing. Disappointing the other, not being there when it counted. Granted, the context is lost on Roland when it comes to Inigo and Chrom. But strangely enough, Roland sympathizes to an extent with the fallen king of Ylisse, instinctively understanding just a little bit of why Chrom must have been so hard on his children. How could he afford anything else, when he was facing a threat greater than any of them could have imagined...?
Though Roland is a different man, now. He's a bit more learned; leaning on the kindness he's seen in Evan forgiving the man who turned him into an orphan. Seeing the truth beyond petty squabble. Inigo himself, adding to his experience of watching the world through a different lens - choosing to make others happy over violence, or grief. Despite the price paid. Despite the loss of self that comes with it.
Which is why Roland shakes his head and says what he does to Inigo, drawing in just a bit closer as if sharing a secret. ]
Hm. I don't know about that. Say, tell me something, pup. [ Yes, it's better this way. To help him see, instead of telling him. Guiding him to it. ] What do you think they have in common? Your mother, who raised you, and your father the king?
[ He looks well and truly surprised, especially from this up close, where it's hard to miss any sign of any emotion on Inigo's face. Maybe to some it could have been obvious where Roland's line of inquiry was going, but apparently not to Inigo himself, who mostly seems caught off guard by the questions. ]
Well.. [ It feels hard, finding the answer. But Inigo wants to do it all the same, even as his voice trails off. It'd be unfair for him to say that Roland should tell him things and then deny Roland any information on Inigo's own part.
But it's just.. Despite them both being his parents, he's so used to thinking about them seperately considering his very different relationships with each. It almost makes it hard to compare them, though he tries.
His mind drifts off. Thinking about other things related to it. Thinking of his whole family. Is there perhaps anything the entire royal family of Ylisse has in common that his parents share too?
He thinks of Emmeryn, the aunt he never got to know, and somehow that makes it click inside of his mind. ]
Mother and father.. they both always put everyone else ahead of themselves. [ A trait that, indeed, makes Inigo very much their child, though he doesn't seem to realise it as he speaks. ] I've never seen or heard of either of them being selfish. They were always thinking about other people. Even if it meant laying down their lives for others, or for the country.
[ Roland is nothing but patient, and it's almost comical the way they drop into such serious tones in the thick of the train's supply closet. But when he speaks to Inigo like this, it's easy, almost natural, to fall into a world that only they inhabit. When all he can see and all he can hear are the two of them, traversing heart and thought hand-in-hand. Similar in so many ways, but Roland leans on Inigo's light more than the other will ever realize.
And Inigo doesn't keep him waiting for long either, hearing exactly the answer he anticipated. His lips break out into a careful smile, a bob of his head once, up and down to affirm it. ]
Yeah. That's a good answer. [ Not the right one, not the wrong one, just good. Lending to his point. Roland straightens and follows through with what he wanted to tell Inigo before, helping him, guiding him out of the thickets of self-doubt. Truthfully, I can't reach up to either of them at all. ]
Inigo. Kings, queens, leaders...They're never going to be the same. They're always going to end up a bit more different than the ones that came before them, and the ones that succeed them too. Living up to some reputation isn't what makes them great. [ His smile widens. He remembers it fondly, that he is imparting no such nonsense that relies on unfounded idealism. Roland was taught not too long ago what really matters - what makes one worthy. ]
They're great because they loved. They loved their people, they loved those around them without holding anything back...[ The glint in Roland's eyes is a signal, a sign that maybe, just maybe, he's not talking in the hypothetical here. That maybe, he's thinking of a certain boy in particular. His hand finds its way to Inigo's shoulder meaningfully. ] And between you and me? I think you're great already.
[ The light in him, the smile. The willingness to sacrifice. Oh yes. This, he believes in no matter what. ]
[ It's funny how Roland is trying to bring this back around to Inigo. And yet the first thing Inigo does when he hears those words, the first thing his mind goes to-- it's Roland. Because Roland is a leader. Both back home, and even now here, though on a smaller scale.
And Roland.. does he love? Inigo thinks so. Even though Roland's outward demeanour may be very different from Inigo's own, who hugs and holds hands and clings to people like no tomorrow, there's no doubt in his mind that Roland does love. The sheer love and easy acceptance he's shown Inigo alone already feels like so much.
But then the man finally brings it back around in such a way that even Inigo's oblivious mind can't miss what he's saying, and it instantly lights up Inigo's cheeks. ]
What?
[ Wait, was this about him all along?
No matter how strong his self-depreciation is though, there's no way even Inigo can deny the fact that he does love. Maybe a bit too much, but.. still. ]
Well, t.. that's true, but..! [ He can't help but want to protest. Especially while Roland looks at him like that, holds his hand on his shoulder. Has he truly earned it? This much trust from someone so impressive? ] They're a lot of other things too! They're strong, brave, resolute... you're like that too, Roland.
[ A compliment he will never hesitate to give. There are so many positive things he thinks about the other, Inigo could write an entire book about it. ]
And I'm still just fumbling around. I got nervous just thinking about telling you I like men, even though I kind of knew it wasn't as if you were going to get angry about it or anything like that. I-- I still have such a long way to go! [ If he even ever gets there in the first place. ]
[ He chuckles again. Inigo was quite good at deflecting, when he wanted to. Better than Roland, on certain days. But it takes one to know one - reminded again, of how similar their minds ran, how closely they seemed to fall back on the same strategy. ]
But isn't that what defines bravery, Inigo? [ He squeezes his shoulder a bit more firmer, a tilt of his head against his, temple to temple. ] When you make the decision to just go ahead and do it anyway, even though you were fumbling about it? [ Roland can't be dissuaded. Whatever faith Inigo has lent him, Roland is here to do the same for him. Believes in him, believes in the shine of his light. ] Being strong, resolute....Whatever else you can think of, we weren't born like that. People weren't born like that. Nor is anyone exempt from feeling afraid. I've felt scared more times in my life than I can count, that's for sure. But you pull through when you remember who you're fighting for.
[ Roland nudges his head against Inigo's again, the smile on his face gentle. ] You follow, pup?
[ It's not like Roland's point is hard to follow, after all. And it's not like it doesn't make logical sense. But applying that logic to himself is a feat that Inigo's brain is just incapable of, which means he's instead just staring at Roland, his cheeks still rosy, even now. ]
I-- I just think you're too kind to me, Roland. Too generous with your faith in me. I haven't even proven to be worth it yet. [ After all, what has he done that Roland has seen? Mostly just cried a lot in front of him, right? And sure, he maybe pulled his weight during missions, but does that really justify the way the man looks at him with such unshakeable faith? ]
Not that I won't keep doing my best! [ His gaze slowly slides away from Roland's, like it's too difficult to keep holding it for long. ] But my best isn't different from anyone else's.
[ In fact, it may even be slightly worse than anyone else's, but Inigo is at least trying to not be totally down on himself here when Roland is being so nice. ]
[ Maybe it's because Roland already anticipated this answer from Inigo too, that instead of denying anything, he knows precisely what he must do. It's not a matter of convincing Inigo through words, after all. It never has been, and Roland knows it won't work. He has to see it, convince himself, know that all of this is inherently true with his own heart open to the fact.
So what does that leave Roland with?
The rosiness in his cheeks is met with the warmth of Roland's palms, cradling his face gently. Forehead to forehead, his smile grows even more affectionate, earnest in his answer. ]
It's a generosity that I give on my own accord, Inigo. I believe it. I'll keep doing it, too. Until you're ready to hear my words, and agree. Take your time. Don't rush it. You're getting there.
[ He doesn't pull away just yet, chuckling through the latter response. ]
What are you talking about? Of course your best is different from everyone else's. [ Roland then lets go, resumes an arm slung across his shoulder. ] It's Inigo's best.
[ Sure, that could be taken self-deprecatingly too. But Roland doesn't even entertain the notion. He's nothing but resolute on the fact, won't believe for himself even if Inigo tells him that just makes it far worse. It's a belief he hopes will reach him, anyway. ]
[ It feels so much harder to let himself drown in his insecurity under these circumstances. With Roland's generosity, with his kind words, with his unshaken belief, his proximity to Inigo as their foreheads touch.
Of course it won't make it go away forever. The insecurity will sneak back - it always does, after all. But right now-- right now Inigo's heart just feels warm. It just wants to bury itself into this warmth and love and hide there forever from the rest of the world which feels so much colder. ]
Thank you.
[ That's all he says when Roland moves his head away. It sounds a little raw - because he's overwhelmed, feeling so many emotions that it feels like he'll cry, already feeling his eyes grow a little watery, though not in a bad way necessarily.
It's just-- just a gratitude that he can't even start putting properly into words.
He raises a hand, rubbing at his eyes before the water in them can spill into tears.
Honestly, maybe the best way he can explain to Roland how much the other's attitude and paternal care means to him is by just saying: ]
Mother.. Mother always made me feel this way too. [ Unconditionally supported, even when he wasn't sure he could live up to it. Even when he thought he wasn't worth it. ]
[ Perhaps he pulled away too soon as Roland watches Inigo almost cry, his hands trying to halt the flow of tears. The instinct to try and give him comfort is a natural pull, one that takes more effort to hold back than it is to follow. But its Inigo's words that hook Roland back in, a soft affection which comes rolling in gently. ]
...That's an honor I'll always cherish. I'll always do my best to do right by you, pup. [ A role he chooses. A role he will fulfill to the end of his days. ] And to tell you the truth, if I ever got meet Olivia, [ - and Chrom, though he keeps that implicit. It sounds impossible, but he knows anything can happen now, on this train, in this life. ] the first thing I would tell her is how her son grew up to be an amazing young man.
[ The corner of his eyes crinkle in fondness, which he then hides by draping his arm over Inigo's shoulders again in a quick motion. ] Thank you for your honesty, Inigo. For what you've told me, for wanting to share parts of your life. Be patient with me, okay?
[ Please, Roland and Olivia clearly can't ever meet. It'll be too much for Inigo's heart. Too much supportive and loving parent energy in one room, he'll perish.
But for now he'll gladly momentarily lean against Roland when the other drapes his arm over his shoulders like that. ]
Of course..
[ Being honest isn't always easy for Inigo. But he's grown better lately, he thinks. He's making an honest effort, because he really can't demand Roland to tell a single thing about himself without at least offering up the same in turn. ]
Just tell me things whenever you feel ready to do so. I'll wait. [ Especially since Inigo knows how hard it is. But Roland has shown that he's willing to try, so Inigo is willing to take things slow. ] But.. I've taken up enough of your time for now with something relatively dumb.
[ HE HASN'T FORGOTTEN HOW THIS CONVERSATION STARTED OUT YET, AFTER ALL...
It's not dumb. Nothing you tell me is dumb, Inigo. Don't forget that.
[ Because he means it. Roland doesn't want to put that wall between them, doesn't want Inigo to hide even the smallest thing from Roland out of fear or shame. He'll always support him. ]
[ Roland gives him one last squeeze with his arm before letting go. ]
Take care now. I'll see you later. Go on, go do your thing pup.
[ He crosses his arms, smiling. ] Thank you. I'll be here if you need me again.
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And this isn't at all to diss Chrom. Roland is merely curious about how little Inigo has spoken about his father, though this doesn't come as a complete surprise. Not only did Chrom die early, but going back to meet him in the past seemed to merit Inigo a terrible experience that hurt enough to carry as a memory into the void.
But even that warrants Roland's musings. His own relationship with Will was strained in a way, and looking at it now, it seems to always return to the same thing. Disappointing the other, not being there when it counted. Granted, the context is lost on Roland when it comes to Inigo and Chrom. But strangely enough, Roland sympathizes to an extent with the fallen king of Ylisse, instinctively understanding just a little bit of why Chrom must have been so hard on his children. How could he afford anything else, when he was facing a threat greater than any of them could have imagined...?
Though Roland is a different man, now. He's a bit more learned; leaning on the kindness he's seen in Evan forgiving the man who turned him into an orphan. Seeing the truth beyond petty squabble. Inigo himself, adding to his experience of watching the world through a different lens - choosing to make others happy over violence, or grief. Despite the price paid. Despite the loss of self that comes with it.
Which is why Roland shakes his head and says what he does to Inigo, drawing in just a bit closer as if sharing a secret. ]
Hm. I don't know about that. Say, tell me something, pup. [ Yes, it's better this way. To help him see, instead of telling him. Guiding him to it. ] What do you think they have in common? Your mother, who raised you, and your father the king?
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[ He looks well and truly surprised, especially from this up close, where it's hard to miss any sign of any emotion on Inigo's face. Maybe to some it could have been obvious where Roland's line of inquiry was going, but apparently not to Inigo himself, who mostly seems caught off guard by the questions. ]
Well.. [ It feels hard, finding the answer. But Inigo wants to do it all the same, even as his voice trails off. It'd be unfair for him to say that Roland should tell him things and then deny Roland any information on Inigo's own part.
But it's just.. Despite them both being his parents, he's so used to thinking about them seperately considering his very different relationships with each. It almost makes it hard to compare them, though he tries.
His mind drifts off. Thinking about other things related to it. Thinking of his whole family. Is there perhaps anything the entire royal family of Ylisse has in common that his parents share too?
He thinks of Emmeryn, the aunt he never got to know, and somehow that makes it click inside of his mind. ]
Mother and father.. they both always put everyone else ahead of themselves. [ A trait that, indeed, makes Inigo very much their child, though he doesn't seem to realise it as he speaks. ] I've never seen or heard of either of them being selfish. They were always thinking about other people. Even if it meant laying down their lives for others, or for the country.
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And Inigo doesn't keep him waiting for long either, hearing exactly the answer he anticipated. His lips break out into a careful smile, a bob of his head once, up and down to affirm it. ]
Yeah. That's a good answer. [ Not the right one, not the wrong one, just good. Lending to his point. Roland straightens and follows through with what he wanted to tell Inigo before, helping him, guiding him out of the thickets of self-doubt. Truthfully, I can't reach up to either of them at all. ]
Inigo. Kings, queens, leaders...They're never going to be the same. They're always going to end up a bit more different than the ones that came before them, and the ones that succeed them too. Living up to some reputation isn't what makes them great. [ His smile widens. He remembers it fondly, that he is imparting no such nonsense that relies on unfounded idealism. Roland was taught not too long ago what really matters - what makes one worthy. ]
They're great because they loved. They loved their people, they loved those around them without holding anything back...[ The glint in Roland's eyes is a signal, a sign that maybe, just maybe, he's not talking in the hypothetical here. That maybe, he's thinking of a certain boy in particular. His hand finds its way to Inigo's shoulder meaningfully. ] And between you and me? I think you're great already.
[ The light in him, the smile. The willingness to sacrifice. Oh yes. This, he believes in no matter what. ]
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And Roland.. does he love? Inigo thinks so. Even though Roland's outward demeanour may be very different from Inigo's own, who hugs and holds hands and clings to people like no tomorrow, there's no doubt in his mind that Roland does love. The sheer love and easy acceptance he's shown Inigo alone already feels like so much.
But then the man finally brings it back around in such a way that even Inigo's oblivious mind can't miss what he's saying, and it instantly lights up Inigo's cheeks. ]
What?
[ Wait, was this about him all along?
No matter how strong his self-depreciation is though, there's no way even Inigo can deny the fact that he does love. Maybe a bit too much, but.. still. ]
Well, t.. that's true, but..! [ He can't help but want to protest. Especially while Roland looks at him like that, holds his hand on his shoulder. Has he truly earned it? This much trust from someone so impressive? ] They're a lot of other things too! They're strong, brave, resolute... you're like that too, Roland.
[ A compliment he will never hesitate to give. There are so many positive things he thinks about the other, Inigo could write an entire book about it. ]
And I'm still just fumbling around. I got nervous just thinking about telling you I like men, even though I kind of knew it wasn't as if you were going to get angry about it or anything like that. I-- I still have such a long way to go! [ If he even ever gets there in the first place. ]
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But isn't that what defines bravery, Inigo? [ He squeezes his shoulder a bit more firmer, a tilt of his head against his, temple to temple. ] When you make the decision to just go ahead and do it anyway, even though you were fumbling about it? [ Roland can't be dissuaded. Whatever faith Inigo has lent him, Roland is here to do the same for him. Believes in him, believes in the shine of his light. ] Being strong, resolute....Whatever else you can think of, we weren't born like that. People weren't born like that. Nor is anyone exempt from feeling afraid. I've felt scared more times in my life than I can count, that's for sure. But you pull through when you remember who you're fighting for.
[ Roland nudges his head against Inigo's again, the smile on his face gentle. ] You follow, pup?
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[ It's not like Roland's point is hard to follow, after all. And it's not like it doesn't make logical sense. But applying that logic to himself is a feat that Inigo's brain is just incapable of, which means he's instead just staring at Roland, his cheeks still rosy, even now. ]
I-- I just think you're too kind to me, Roland. Too generous with your faith in me. I haven't even proven to be worth it yet. [ After all, what has he done that Roland has seen? Mostly just cried a lot in front of him, right? And sure, he maybe pulled his weight during missions, but does that really justify the way the man looks at him with such unshakeable faith? ]
Not that I won't keep doing my best! [ His gaze slowly slides away from Roland's, like it's too difficult to keep holding it for long. ] But my best isn't different from anyone else's.
[ In fact, it may even be slightly worse than anyone else's, but Inigo is at least trying to not be totally down on himself here when Roland is being so nice. ]
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So what does that leave Roland with?
The rosiness in his cheeks is met with the warmth of Roland's palms, cradling his face gently. Forehead to forehead, his smile grows even more affectionate, earnest in his answer. ]
It's a generosity that I give on my own accord, Inigo. I believe it. I'll keep doing it, too. Until you're ready to hear my words, and agree. Take your time. Don't rush it. You're getting there.
[ He doesn't pull away just yet, chuckling through the latter response. ]
What are you talking about? Of course your best is different from everyone else's. [ Roland then lets go, resumes an arm slung across his shoulder. ] It's Inigo's best.
[ Sure, that could be taken self-deprecatingly too. But Roland doesn't even entertain the notion. He's nothing but resolute on the fact, won't believe for himself even if Inigo tells him that just makes it far worse. It's a belief he hopes will reach him, anyway. ]
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Of course it won't make it go away forever. The insecurity will sneak back - it always does, after all. But right now-- right now Inigo's heart just feels warm. It just wants to bury itself into this warmth and love and hide there forever from the rest of the world which feels so much colder. ]
Thank you.
[ That's all he says when Roland moves his head away. It sounds a little raw - because he's overwhelmed, feeling so many emotions that it feels like he'll cry, already feeling his eyes grow a little watery, though not in a bad way necessarily.
It's just-- just a gratitude that he can't even start putting properly into words.
He raises a hand, rubbing at his eyes before the water in them can spill into tears.
Honestly, maybe the best way he can explain to Roland how much the other's attitude and paternal care means to him is by just saying: ]
Mother.. Mother always made me feel this way too. [ Unconditionally supported, even when he wasn't sure he could live up to it. Even when he thought he wasn't worth it. ]
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...That's an honor I'll always cherish. I'll always do my best to do right by you, pup. [ A role he chooses. A role he will fulfill to the end of his days. ] And to tell you the truth, if I ever got meet Olivia, [ - and Chrom, though he keeps that implicit. It sounds impossible, but he knows anything can happen now, on this train, in this life. ] the first thing I would tell her is how her son grew up to be an amazing young man.
[ The corner of his eyes crinkle in fondness, which he then hides by draping his arm over Inigo's shoulders again in a quick motion. ] Thank you for your honesty, Inigo. For what you've told me, for wanting to share parts of your life. Be patient with me, okay?
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But for now he'll gladly momentarily lean against Roland when the other drapes his arm over his shoulders like that. ]
Of course..
[ Being honest isn't always easy for Inigo. But he's grown better lately, he thinks. He's making an honest effort, because he really can't demand Roland to tell a single thing about himself without at least offering up the same in turn. ]
Just tell me things whenever you feel ready to do so. I'll wait. [ Especially since Inigo knows how hard it is. But Roland has shown that he's willing to try, so Inigo is willing to take things slow. ] But.. I've taken up enough of your time for now with something relatively dumb.
[ HE HASN'T FORGOTTEN HOW THIS CONVERSATION STARTED OUT YET, AFTER ALL...
He shakes his head. ]
I should get going.
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[ Because he means it. Roland doesn't want to put that wall between them, doesn't want Inigo to hide even the smallest thing from Roland out of fear or shame. He'll always support him. ]
[ Roland gives him one last squeeze with his arm before letting go. ]
Take care now. I'll see you later. Go on, go do your thing pup.
[ He crosses his arms, smiling. ] Thank you. I'll be here if you need me again.